{"id":5467,"date":"2019-08-14T10:06:26","date_gmt":"2019-08-14T08:06:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/?p=5467"},"modified":"2024-10-08T11:17:29","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T09:17:29","slug":"nuk-o-marre-me-i-than-dostit-tdu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/opinion\/nuk-o-marre-me-i-than-dostit-tdu\/","title":{"rendered":"Nuk o marre me i than dostit \u201ct\u2019du\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Nuk o marre me i than dostit \u201ct\u2019du\u201d<\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
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Grek\u00ebt e lasht\u00eb i kan\u00eb pas\u00eb disa fjal\u00eb t\u00eb ndryshme p\u00ebr dashni – forma q\u00eb na m\u00eb s\u00eb miri e njohim \u00ebsht\u00eb:\u00a0\u201c\u1f00\u03b3\u03ac\u03c0\u03b7\u201d\u00a0<\/em>(lexo: Agape), dashuri e cila e tejkalon t\u00eb prekshmen dhe t\u00eb bjen drejt n\u00eb shpirt. Agape \u00ebsht\u00eb dashuria q\u00eb ndihet n\u00eb familje, dashuria q\u00eb e ndjejn\u00eb dy shpirtra n\u00eb lidhje romantike dhe n\u00eb kontekste religjioze dashuria e njeriut p\u00ebr zotin. Agape \u00ebsht\u00eb dashuri me t\u00eb cil\u00ebn jemi t\u00eb fiksuar n\u00eb koh\u00ebn moderne \u2013 pa u mendu mujm\u00eb me i numru dhjet\u00ebra filma e k\u00ebng\u00eb q\u00eb i dedikohen asaj.<\/p>\n

Format e tjera q\u00eb definohen prej tyre jan\u00eb:\u00a0\u1f14\u03c1\u03c9\u03c2<\/em>\u00a0(lexo: Eros) – dashuria e pasionit, ose \u03c3\u03c4\u03bf\u03c1\u03b3\u03ae (lexo: Storge) \u2013 dashuria empatike, mir\u00ebpo fokusi i diskutimit n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb shkrim \u00ebsht\u00eb\u00a0\u03c6\u03b9\u03bb\u03af\u03b1<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0(lexo: Filia) – dashuria shoq\u00ebrore. Dashnia n\u00eb mes t\u00eb dy shok\u00ebve ose shoqeve, dashnia q\u00eb ndihet ndaj personit me t\u00eb cilin nuk ke q\u00ebllime romantike ose seksuale, por prap\u00eb e ndan\u00eb nji shpirt t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00eb. N\u00eb historin\u00eb e njeriut ka shum\u00eb raste ku fuqizohet dhe g\u00ebzohet dashuria shoq\u00ebrore nd\u00ebrmjet burrave, shpeshher\u00eb si metod\u00eb p\u00ebr krijimin e lidhjeve nd\u00ebrmjet tyre q\u00eb t\u00eb jen\u00eb an\u00ebtar\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb dobish\u00ebm t\u00eb fisit.<\/p>\n

Nd\u00ebr shoq\u00ebrit\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb famshme antike \u00ebsht\u00eb lidhja nd\u00ebrmjet heroit t\u00eb\u00a0Iliad\u00ebs,<\/em>\u00a0Akilit dhe shokut t\u00eb tij Patroklit. N\u00eb tregimin origjinal t\u00eb Homerit, lidhja e tyre shpjegohet si dashni e thell\u00eb platonike, e bazuar n\u00eb respekt dhe p\u00ebrkrahje. Vdekja e Patroklit \u00ebsht\u00eb \u00e7ka e \u00e7on Akilin n\u00eb vdekjen e vet, pasi q\u00eb hakmarrja e verb\u00ebron at\u00eb. N\u00eb kontekstin e shqiptar\u00ebve hasim konceptin e v\u00ebllam\u00ebris\u00eb, kur dy burra t\u00eb rinj n\u00eb shenj\u00eb t\u00eb miq\u00ebsis\u00eb s\u00eb pathyeshme\u00a0 pinin nj\u00eb pik\u00eb gjaku t\u00eb nj\u00ebri-tjetrit.<\/p>\n

N\u00eb koh\u00ebn moderne paraqitja e shoq\u00ebris\u00eb nd\u00ebrmjet dy burrave e harron intimitetin si mjet p\u00ebr t\u00eb arritur lidhje t\u00eb fort\u00eb shoq\u00ebrore tek burrat, \u00e7ka ruhet \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm natyra stoike e atyre lidhjeve \u2013 skena ku dy burra me pak fjal\u00eb diskutojn\u00eb tema t\u00eb r\u00ebnda dhe me nj\u00eb shikim e kuptojn\u00eb nj\u00ebri-tjetrin, romantizohet n\u00eb mediat q\u00eb i konsumojm\u00eb dhe n\u00eb rrethin q\u00eb gjendemi. Si pasoj\u00eb, nj\u00eb djal\u00eb i ri mund t\u00eb krijoj\u00eb p\u00ebrshtypjet e gabuar q\u00eb shprehja e ndjenjave \u00ebsht\u00eb tipar fem\u00ebror, di\u00e7ka q\u00eb nj\u00eb burr\u00eb \u201cnormal\u201d rrall\u00ebher\u00eb e shfaq. Rrjedhimisht, \u201cFilia\u201d q\u00eb grek\u00ebt e lasht\u00eb e kan\u00eb identifikuar asnj\u00ebher\u00eb nuk mund t\u00eb arrihet kur vet\u00eb ideja q\u00eb me i than shokut \u201ct\u2019du\u201d krijon frik\u00eb n\u00eb burrin \u201cmodern\u201d se mundet me qen\u00eb Gej (edhe pse nuk ka asgj\u00eb t\u00eb keqe aty). Pra, d\u00ebmi \u00ebsht\u00eb i trefisht\u00eb: Stereotipizohet komuniteti Gej, krijohet nj\u00eb asocim i domosdosh\u00ebm nd\u00ebrmjet dashuris\u00eb si ndjenj\u00eb e d\u00ebshir\u00ebs seksuale dhe promovohet shtypja e ndjenjave intime dhe platonike n\u00eb meshkuj.<\/p>\n

Ky reduktim i emocioneve komplekse dhe t\u00eb fuqishme n\u00eb disa kategori t\u00eb pranueshme \u00ebsht\u00eb \u00e7ka e pamund\u00ebson zhvillimin e sh\u00ebndosh\u00eb t\u00eb individit. N\u00ebse shprehja e emocioneve intime \u00ebsht\u00eb tipar fem\u00ebror, at\u00ebher\u00eb burri ideal duhet t\u00eb jet\u00eb nj\u00eb person i cili \u00ebsht\u00eb robotik, i vrazhd\u00eb dhe i pandikuar nga rrethanat e veta, apo jo? Me apo pa dashje, me k\u00ebt\u00eb \u201cideal\u201d n\u00eb mendje modelohen djemt\u00eb e ri n\u00eb shoq\u00ebrin\u00eb ton\u00eb konservative n\u00eb di\u00e7ka q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb e pamundur p\u00ebr nj\u00eb njeri funksional ta arrij\u00eb. N\u00eb vend q\u00eb t\u00eb promovohet liria emocionale, ajo shtypet brenda nj\u00eb kutie t\u00eb shprehjeve dhe gjesteve t\u00eb cilat konsiderohen t\u00eb pranueshme. N\u00eb vend q\u00eb t\u00eb krijohet nj\u00eb fondacion i sigurt ku mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb vetvetja, ajo g\u00ebrryhet deri n\u00eb asgj\u00ebsim. Burri i cili e p\u00ebrvet\u00ebson k\u00ebt\u00eb proces, e ngjyros bot\u00ebn me nj\u00eb pik\u00ebpamje t\u00eb k\u00ebtill\u00eb:\u00a0\u201cQekjo majica po ka shum\u00eb ngjyra, koka p\u00ebr femna.\u201d; \u201cMos ja p\u00ebrmendni najkujna qe jom tu pi Kozmopolitan!\u201d. Mendime t\u00eb tilla b\u00ebhen t\u00eb natyrshme dhe pjes\u00eb e m\u00ebnyr\u00ebs sesi e vler\u00ebsojm\u00eb veten (nganj\u00ebher\u00eb edhe tjer\u00ebt).<\/em><\/p>\n

Pasi q\u00eb \u201cideali\u201d burr\u00ebror asnj\u00ebher\u00eb nuk mund t\u00eb arrihet prej qenieve njer\u00ebzore, t\u00eb cilat jan\u00eb sht\u00ebpi t\u00eb emocioneve t\u00eb ndryshme konfuze, djali i cili e krahason nivelin e vet t\u00eb \u201cburr\u00ebris\u00eb\u201d me at\u00eb t\u00eb idealit shoq\u00ebror asnj\u00ebher\u00eb nuk mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb i sigurt n\u00eb vete. Andaj, hasim edhe koncepte si \u201cMaskulinitet Toksik\u201d \u2013 kur d\u00ebshira p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb hiper-mashkullor fillon t\u00eb shkaktoj\u00eb d\u00ebme n\u00eb sh\u00ebndetin mendor t\u00eb personit i cili po e shfaq at\u00eb d\u00ebshir\u00eb, s\u00eb bashku me personat rreth tij.<\/p>\n

Sa mir\u00eb pra q\u00eb zgjidhja e problemit mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb aq e thjesht\u00eb sa me qen\u00eb i sinqert\u00eb me personat rreth vetes.<\/p>\n

N\u00ebse demonizimi i emocioneve n\u00eb djem e burra \u00e7on drejt veturrejtjes tek ata dhe u d\u00ebmton sh\u00ebndetin mendor, ka sens logjik q\u00eb e kund\u00ebrta (pranimi, fuqizimi, p\u00ebrkrahja) t\u00eb ket\u00eb efekt pozitiv. N\u00ebse d\u00ebshirojm\u00eb q\u00eb djemt\u00eb tan\u00eb t\u00eb rriten n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb sh\u00ebndosh\u00eb, at\u00ebher\u00eb ta kthejm\u00eb Filia-n n\u00eb jetat tona, ta rinormalizojm\u00eb dashnin\u00eb platonike nd\u00ebrmjet burrave duke mos i turp\u00ebruar djemt\u00eb e ri, t\u00eb cil\u00ebt e shprehin at\u00eb, dhe ta p\u00ebrforcojm\u00eb tu i than\u00eb dostave ton\u00eb:\u00a0t\u2019du<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

—-<\/p>\n

Klinika UNI\u00a0<\/a>– Qend\u00ebr p\u00ebr k\u00ebshillim, testim dhe vler\u00ebsim psikologjik<\/p>\n

Nuk je vet<\/a>\u00a0– K\u00ebshillim online p\u00ebr t\u00eb rinj\u00ebt<\/p>\n

CEL<\/a>\u00a0– K\u00ebshillime falas p\u00ebr komunitetin LGBT<\/p>\n

I fight depression<\/a>\u00a0–\u00a0Informata rreth Depresionit<\/p>\n

Qendra Psiko-Sociale per Trauma Terapi, Diakonie Kosova\u00a0<\/a>– Sh\u00ebrbime falas p\u00ebr trauma terapi<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Nuk o marre me i than dostit \u201ct\u2019du\u201d Grek\u00ebt e lasht\u00eb i kan\u00eb pas\u00eb disa fjal\u00eb t\u00eb ndryshme p\u00ebr dashni – forma q\u00eb na m\u00eb s\u00eb miri e njohim \u00ebsht\u00eb:\u00a0\u201c\u1f00\u03b3\u03ac\u03c0\u03b7\u201d\u00a0(lexo: Agape), dashuri e cila e tejkalon t\u00eb prekshmen dhe t\u00eb bjen drejt n\u00eb shpirt. Agape \u00ebsht\u00eb dashuria q\u00eb ndihet n\u00eb familje, dashuria q\u00eb e ndjejn\u00eb […]<\/p>","protected":false},"author":53,"featured_media":7966,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[63],"class_list":["post-5467","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion"],"authors":[{"term_id":63,"user_id":53,"is_guest":0,"slug":"bind-skeja","display_name":"Bind Skeja","avatar_url":{"url":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/download-4-1.jpg","url2x":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/download-4-1.jpg"},"user_url":"","last_name":"Skeja","first_name":"Bind","description":"Bind Skeja \u00ebsht\u00eb themelues i OJQ-s \u201cQendra p\u00ebr Informim dhe P\u00ebrmir\u00ebsim Social\u201d. Studimet i ka p\u00ebrfunduar n\u00eb Psikologji Eksperimentale n\u00eb Universitetin e Yorkut. Sot ai \u00ebsht\u00eb i angazhuar si aktivist n\u00eb fush\u00ebn e sh\u00ebndetit mendor."}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5467","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/53"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5467"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5467\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8064,"href":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5467\/revisions\/8064"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7966"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5467"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5467"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5467"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sbunker.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=5467"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}